What I do when I come home – snuggle with my babe…

What I do when I come home – snuggle with my babes!

Keep smiling, Boo-Boo!

Keep smiling, Boo-Boo!

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and prayers …

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and prayers for Christopher.

Update on Christopher…

After months of uncertainty, the inevitable must happen – Chris will be transplanted. I didn’t want this blog to be so serious and ridden with sad news but it is in this moment that defines me and what we’re going through.

At his last doctor visit, they told us a timeline as quickly as the end of summer. I was taken aback by the reality that it was going to happen so quickly but I guess the sooner the better, right? Do it while he still can’t remember…or will he remember?

It’s been a couple of weeks since the news and every day is a challenge not to cry. Feelings of sadness, anger, desperation, etc. stir quietly in my head. I try to block it out with work, work, work or a good run on the treadmill or in the moments playing with the boys but I know the inevitable must happen. It scares me beyond belief. Don’t even ask how Jason is feeling.

I tell myself to be strong for my kids but even Goliath was knocked down. It’s very, very difficult to see the glass half-full anymore and at times I’m angry and need to blame someone. At the same time, I know that this is Chris’ second chance at life – a blessing in disguise because without the surgery, it’d be worse.

The true, bittersweet icing on the cake is that a living donor would probably be needed. That means Jason or I would go under donating a piece of our own liver (it regenerates).

Last night, I foresaw how our lives would change overnight: me at the hospital (like all those other times) juggling between taking care of my husband or child (they’d be on separate floors so you do the math) with Nate and Evan at home with my family wondering when Mom, Dad, and Chris would be back. It’s quite exhausting day in and day out but I guess this would be the big test, right? How resilent am I really?

I don’t know where I’ll get the strength once the time comes but I know this will be the biggest challenge I’d ever have to face. To risk losing my child, my husband, or both would be devastating. But to not try to save Chris’ life would be irresponsible.

I gotta do what I got to do.

How difficult it was to take a pic of the boys to…

How difficult it was to take a pic of the boys together! Thank goodness for Picasa collage! I took a separate pic of each of them and ta-da! Perfect!