Thank you for applying to UCSF’s MEPN Program but you were NOT one of our final candidates….

I was pretty disappointed when I got the thin letter in the mail.  It was from UCSF’s School of Nursing and I knew from the size that it was bad news.  Given this was just a dry run; a I’ll-apply-with-what-I-have-now-and-hope-they-like-me attitude.  I was initially going to apply for 2010 but I just tried my luck anyways.

6 revisions later, here is my final personal statement.  I cried as I wrote it remembering every detail of last year but at the same time, it was therapy for me.  ‘What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.’  Like what I said in my statement, things happen for a reason so I’m trying to find the silver lining in this cloud (as I always do).  86 slots for 700 applicants and I’m not one of them – I’m just going to have to try next year after I get some volunteer experience and maybe a GRE course under my belt.  Wish me luck!

After eight hours of restless waiting, I stood beside my son’s crib at UC San Francisco’s Pediatric Intensive Care Unit silently sobbing and asking God, “Why my baby?”  Christopher lay there weak and helpless—cords, intravenous lines, and a breathing tube coming out from all over his small body.  My little fighter had just endured a life-saving liver transplant and as tears rolled down my flustered cheeks, all I could think about were the months of anguish, pain and uncertainty that led me to that moment; but, I also thought about the blessings in disguise that helped us get through it.  In this defining point in my life, I decided that I was going to pursue the Pediatric Nurse Practitioner advanced nursing profession to help patients and their families who had similar hospital experiences to mine.

I have always been a firm believer of fate in that things happen for a reason.  Most people fall apart from adversity; but, for me, it is merely turning lemons into lemonade and making the most of everything.  In college, I was not the typical student.  Having a baby at 19, I was pumping breast milk in between classes, writing term papers late night with my 1-year-old son Nathaniel on my lap, and working two part-time jobs.  Being a student and a parent simultaneously was a challenge and many sacrifices were made; but, in my mind, I was committed and determined to finish college and accomplish my goals.

After receiving an American Studies degree from UC Santa Cruz, I jumped feet first into corporate America by learning all I could in a promising commercial escrow coordinator career.  I was happy and content in this role; but as a person who tutored and mentored high school students and substituted for special education classrooms in the past, I was not satisfying my innate desire to help people.

In the summer of 2006, I gave birth to my twin boys, Christopher and Evan.  Because the twins were born just shy of 36 weeks, they stayed in the Intensive Care Nursery at UC San Francisco.  It was difficult balancing 24/7 bedside vigils and home; but soon enough, we welcomed the boys home.  As if raising newborn twins was not challenging enough, my world shattered when Christopher was diagnosed with Biliary Atresia and immediately had his first Kasai procedure surgery at 3 months old.  Taking care of a newborn who had just undergone major surgery was emotionally painful and little did I know it was just the beginning.

I spent the next year building an alliance with Christopher’s liver doctor, Dr. Philip Rosenthal, and his medical staff as they deliberated Christopher’s need for a liver transplant.  I pushed away my emotions to be strong for my family and in the short amount of time; I took an unofficial crash course in nursing.  I learned medical dosages administering Christopher’s medications; I became well-versed with standard medical terminology from our many hospital stays on 6Long; I became highly skilled with NG tube placement because Christopher tugged at his tube; and I tended to Christopher’s PICT at home.

Christopher was transplanted on October 30, 2007 at the age of 17 months and my decision to become a nurse solidified.  With the typical hospital stay being three weeks post-transplant, Christopher and I were at UC San Francisco for an unnerving five weeks because of two staph infections, three subsequent surgeries, two liver biopsies, and one episode of slight organ rejection.  I fathomed that each moment could be our last good-bye, but I told myself that God did not give me what I could not handle.  Like a fly on a wall, I observed the various roles that the nurses played whether it was our bedside R.N. or the Nurse Practitioner following our recovery.  I soaked it all in: asking questions, demanding answers, and learning what I could from the nurses I had met.  I had found my calling, my passion, and my purpose.  God had answered me.

Having the opportunity to study advanced nursing at UC San Francisco would be the opportunity of a lifetime.  With a genuine love of education and learning; specializing in a specific field makes the advanced nursing preparation only natural.  In this role, I believe I can bring my own unique hospital experiences into the nursing profession and upon completion of the program, I would love to work within the UC San Francisco family as a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner.  I truly admire the compassion and dedication that Christopher’s nurses have shown and I want to be able to do the same for others.  I want to work directly with patients and their families offering my own expertise as well as understanding a very familiar experience.  I would have the advantage of being on both sides of the spectrum as a nurse and as a patient, in turn, helping to bridge each side.

My experience has been my darkest hour; but, I have turned Christopher’s transplant journey into a fruitful learning experience.  With each milestone Christopher reaches and with each day that I have him with me, I count my blessings knowing there has always been a bigger plan for us.  UC San Francisco has a lot to offer and I cannot think of a more fitting place to study since they have been a part of Christopher’s life since the day he was born.  I am grateful that my son is still here to smile back at me and I remember why I am pursuing a nursing career—for my brave boy, Christopher and other patients like him.